Halloween Hits: Amityville Horror

Title: The Amityville Horror

Rating: R

Released: 2005

Format:DVD

Version: Widescreen Special Edition

Run Time: 1 Hour 30 minutes

Purchased: Blockbuster
Price: $9.99



Plot according to imdb.com: George and Kathy Lutz and their three children move into a house that was the site of a horrific murder a year before. They decide to keep the house and try to keep the horror in the past. This is until, George starts to behave weirdly and their daughter, Chelsea starts to see people. What now follows is 28 days of sheer terror for the family.

Plot according to Allen:  A family moves into a house where people died.  The dad then proceeds to go crazy while going shirtless as often as possible.

As is popular with a lot of horror releases the last few years this one is a "re-imagining" of a popular horror movie of the past where they add more attractive stars and more blood and better visual effects.  In fact I am going to just assume that this is the first of that trend, which usually means they did it terribly.  And you guessed it, they really did screw the pooch here.

Full disclosure:  I have never seen the original from 1979.  The idea of a literal haunted house just never really appealed to me.  I just can't figure out why they would stay once all the weird stuff is happening around them.  Sure they have all their money tied up in this house and as a result feel some sense of need to stay but aren't their buyers remorse laws for this very reason?  You can change your mind, especially when your house is driving you crazy and making you want to kill your family.  Just move.

The main reason I own this movie though is one of it's few saving graces and that is Ryan Reynolds, more specifically his abs.  Normally I would make fun of an actor for being shirtless throughout one of his movies, especially one where his character complains about being cold throughout, however when they look like he does it is hard to argue with the logic that he NEEDS to be shirtless.

I suddenly understand gay men.

Another surprising turn is this movie's resident creepy child played by Chloë Grace Moretz who I am now officially convinced that she will be this generation's Drew Barrymore, hopefully without the drug addiction.  She has yet to really disappoint me in anything she has done, a feat not really seen in other child actors.  Sure her choice of roles may not be the greatest (see:  This movie) but she does what she can and provides entertainment where there really shouldn't be any.

All of the other kids though are wooden and annoying, and so really are the adults.  They are either emotionless and vacant or completely over the top and melodramatic as if to be making an Airplane! style parody of chintzy horror movies.  Even at an hour and a half it felt like it ran long.  The movie also seemed to rely far too much on the jump scare tactic.  I will applaud them for not going with the overly used bathroom scare, though that was pretty much the only of the regular offenders that they didn't use.

I think the single most annoying trait of this movie has to be that it is pitched as being "Based On A True Story".  No it isn't.  There is no way this is even remotely happened.  The only thing that might be remotely close to being based on a true story would be that a couple once bought a house on the cheap because someone died there.  Everything else is simply the stuff ghost stories and episodes of "Unsolved Mysteries" thrive on.

Honestly, this is just a regular run of the mill horror movie that isn't anything special, but for a cold October night you could do worse if you were to encounter the dreaded last minute holiday trip to the video store when all the really good ones are gone.  I can't really recommend it but I also can't find much of a reason to hate on it.  It just... is.

Final Rating: 2.5 out of 5