Blankman or A Prequel of Kick Ass

Title: Blankman
Rating:PG-13
Released:1994

Format:DVD

Version: A very basic DVD that is incredibly lacking, though honestly special features for this would be redundant.

Run Time:  1 hour 36 minutes

Purchased: Not a clue.
Price: I certainly hope I didn't spend actual money on this.



Plot according to IMDB: Darryl is a childlike man with a genius for inventing various gadgets out of junk. When he stumbles on a method to make his clothes bulletproof, he decides to use his skills to be the lowest budgeted superhero of all.

Plot according to Allen: Okay so the stereotypical socially awkward genius has his grandmother played by The Chief from Where In the World Is Carmen San Diego is killed by the mob and he slips off the deep end and decides he needs to fight crime.  His common sense stick in the mud brother becomes his side kick and eventually they thwart the mob boss and bring justice to the world.

So you know those movies you love when you are a kid but when you watch them again when you grow up suddenly you realize just how horrible your taste was as a kid?  Yeah I am pretty sure I hated this as a kid too.  It isn't funny.  It has a lot of chances to be funny, but it resorts far too often to ridiculous physical humor that isn't funny.  They could very easily be a good movie, I mean I liked it when they made it into Kick Ass.  Instead they decided that they needed to make a stereotypical Damon Wayans movie in that they take the easy joke and then drive it relentlessly into the ground.  Easily the best part of the movie is Jason Alexander as David Alan Greir's wheelchair bound boss, and really he is just playing a somehow more horrible and disgusting George Castanza.

I really don't understand why I own this movie.  There is no possible way I could have looked at this DVD cover and thought "I need to spend money on this right now!"  Even if I was horribly drunk as a fourteen year old kid, I would think I would have seen something else and immediately forgotten that this movie existed.  It is so bland looking and the description on the back doesn't look like it would have appealed to me.  Yes it is a superhero movie in a time when there were none but still, this movie should not exist.  There are very few movies I can't validate it's existence in my DVD collection this would be at the top of that list.  I seriously can't explain why I own it.  There is no amount of alcohol or drugs that would be able to consume that would encourage me to own this.  It truly is the most horrible thing I could ever convince myself to inflict onto someone else, never mind myself.  And yet I am leaving it on my shelf and I can't convince myself to get rid of it.


I have problems.

Final rating: -45 out of 5